What is, what if
by Lightning-AND'Death
Summary: [what is adj. a title given to someone of current status. i.e., friendship, relationship.] [what if adj. a title given to someone that is a representation of one's possible regret and longing desire. i.e., bliss] For Ethan, Luke was his what is; and will never be his what if. (fill in prompt on tumblr asked by: cedricdiggery)


**Title: **What is, what if

**Summary: **[what is _adj. _a title given to someone of current status. i.e., friendship, relationship.] [what if _adj. _a title given to someone that is a representation of one's possible regret and longing desire. i.e., bliss] For Ethan, Luke was his what is; and will never be his what if.

**Pairing: **Luke Castellan/ Ethan Nakamura

**Author's Note: **for the fill in prompt line: _**Are you fucking kidding me?**__ (_mind the spelling/grammar errors as i literally wrote this in just twenty minutes on mobile oops) This was a fill on tumblr: [cedricdiggery asked: LUKETHAN AND ANY LINE YOU WANT IDK]

for this fill in prompt on my writing blog url: lightning-and-death (main) url: connorstolll

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"Mr. Nakamura, since you ever so enlighten yourself for a sweet and delightful nap, would you please tell your input on who you think is the one character in Romeo and Juliet that ultimately became a factor of the downfall of the two main characters?" A short and stocky man with grim eyes coughed loudly as it rumbled throughout the room, looking impatiently at the boy with his right palm pressed against his cheek and drool oh, so, eloquently coming out of his mouth.

Ethan blinked, letting out a groggily yawn as he opened his mouth reluctantly with nothing coming out whatsoever.

"I think sir," A voice he knew familiar ultimately jolted his attention as Ethan pierced his brown eyes at the back of the blond's head. "What Ethan is trying to somewhat say is that Benvolio is obviously the number one cause of their deaths. Like screw Friar Lawrence and his incapability of butting out of people's issues…Benvolio is the one who ratted out his cousin and eventually had to pay the consequence."

The professor's lips stayed put in a straight line but his eyes shows he was pleased at the answer. "Despite _your_ incapability of putting your words into more professional terms, thank you for your insight. As for you Mr. Nakamura, please pay attention in class; I will not tolerate this anymore."

The seminar went by as the professor taught these college freshman's lesson plan for classic literature.

Luke turned his head and faced the boy with eyes drooping low but still sat straight.

"I think you've got a little drool over here." Luke said definitely, smirking a little at the flustered boy whose eyes were squinted to form a glare.

If you were able to whirl yourself approximately six years, you'd see a pair laughing like they knew each other well enough to pass their tests with flying colours as they're each laughing with that special gleam in their eyes. You'll find yourself back to reality, in which the supposed best friends have put the label '_ex'_before it and ignored each other like they were the plague.

Six years; it's been six years since both Ethan and Luke talked to each other. The temptation of fitting in and carving yourself deep into clubs were primarily the reasons why they drifted apart; but if they know better, they know it's something else.

Aside from the fact that they should be ignoring each other, after all they did make some sort of mutual agreement in which was supposedly set on stone; but Luke did not think so, no of course not, it was pretty obvious that it would be him that would break the six years trance.

Six years and that was the first interaction they made with each other without wanting to commit mass genocide.

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"Hey, Ethan!" The voice penetrated Ethan's ears as he kept trekking frantically in hopes of losing Luke's trail.

What Ethan didn't know was that he was beside him all along. "Aren't you going to thank me for saving your ass back there?" Luke grabbed Ethan's shoulder to stop him from getting away; but what he wasn't able to stop was Ethan from gritting his teeth and holding himself back from spitting on his face.

"About that, what the fuck was that for? I am very much capable of handling that on my own; I do not need your help." Ethan pursed his lips, crossing his arms and puffing his chest.

"That's what friends are for." Luke's wide grin did not falter off his face one bit in spite of the look Ethan was giving him.

"—we're not friends." Ethan swiped Luke's arm from his shoulder as he continued walking. He shook his head to himself.

_'__This is not happening again'._ Ethan thought to himself, he was not going to get into this; he's not going to lead himself to Luke's own side effect.

But Luke caught on, he once again grabbed Ethan's arm and ran up to him. "Ah, you may not be my friend but I'll _still_ be yours. Speaking of which, you now owe me."

"What the fuck for?" Ethan scowled, distancing himself from the boy.

"For saving your ass over them. C'mon Ethan, I know you hate it when people do something for you and you not owing them back." Ethan was hesitant but he was not going to let Luke know that.

"Fine."

"I need a favour."

"Yeah, I already fucking knew that, twat," Ethan softly grinned.

"Of course you did, dick soiree" Luke recited the next line of their endless routine and dialogue play they used to say religiously when they were younger.

A blissful silence engulfed the two, as they both reminded of what their friendship was. They both lost something that day; maybe more than the other for Ethan's case. Luke will never know why Ethan came to his house one day and said he can no longer talk to him. For a freshman in high school for only one week, that was a terrifying thing to hear; knowing you'll be sitting alone that day in the cafeteria. But that day, Luke didn't just lose a friend, he lost a part of himself and he never let himself get over the fact that he didn't do anything about it. He just nodded and told fourteen year old Ethan _"I'll miss you,"_ before closing the door.

Ethan however, he lost a _what is_, and a _what if_. He lost his best friend; his _what is_, and a something else that could evolve; a _what if_. And, he hated the fact that the_ what if _status is what caused his decision to break the friendship that was as deep as their care for each other.

You could say one lost more than the other that day as Ethan lost the potential of _what if_ but Luke will live on those six years not knowing Ethan's _what if's._

Ethan coughed, breaking the silence that stood still between them. "What's the favour, Castellan?"

Luke's lips tipped upwards in a lopsided smile. "I need you to go to the family reunion with me".

Ethan's eyes bulged out and his mouth slightly gaped. "**Are you fucking kidding me**, Luke? Your family is fucking insane and I'm pretty sure your uncle hates me."

Luke rolled his eyes but a pleading glint flashed in his eyes. "Please? I'll make sure your favourite foods will be there. I am not going through this thing alone. I've avoided it too long and you made a promise to always go with me. "Luke looks smug when he recited a promise Ethan made years ago; and Ethan of course would not admit it, but he's slightly (—very) proud at the boy who makes a tendency to forget promises.

Ethan frowned as he scrunched his eyebrows. "Fine." He sighed, scratching his forehead.

The wide and vibrant grin broke out of Luke's and Ethan fought the temptation of mirroring the smile. "Thanks dude, I knew you won't let me down."

Years of ignoring each other, you'd think personal space wouldn't be an issue but that was left to be contradicting for Luke's case as he undoubtedly slung his arm around the flustered boy who managed to get the courage to pat him awkwardly in this hug that made him smile.

Luke noticed the way his cheeks go red, he wonders why that's the case but eventually calls himself stupid as it was pretty chilly outside.

"I'll see you around, Ethan." Luke gave Ethan one last smile before he saluted him; some sort of inside handshake they had years ago and walked away.

Ethan stood in the hall of the west wing, groaning regretfully as he ran a hand through his hair. _"You'd think this petty feeling would go away after I broke the friendship, but fuck no, of course not."_ Ethan talked to himself, frowning.

To Ethan, he thinks the _what is _(the best friend) cannot coexist with the _what if_ (the boyfriend). He tried escaping the _what if _in hopes of keep the _what is_. But Ethan realizes that by getting rid of the _what if_, he aimlessly sacrificed the _what is_. Although, what Ethan doesn't realize is that he's assuming. He knows nothing of Luke's opinion of _what is _and_ what if._

That maybe for Luke, _what if_ maybe _what is._


End file.
